Learning to Love Myself

It's no secret that I've struggled with accepting who I am. The feeling of not fitting in has loomed over me for most of my life, and I don't really know how to change that. I've grown up in a family of strong-willed people who stand up for themselves and can easily brush off the comments of others. I'm not like that. I've tried so hard to take everyone's advice and "grow a backbone," but it feels kind of impossible to not care.

I've tried to understand why I can't take my heart off of my sleeve like everyone else, but now I feel like I've missed the point. Instead of fighting this sensitivity, maybe I should have been embracing it. I have a strange feeling that it would be a horrible idea to harden myself when God has made me to be a soft, feeling person. I obviously don't enjoy crying every time someone slightly raises their voice at me, but I don't want to change who I am.

This is something I've really been struggling with for the past few weeks because it's been affecting some really important relationships in my life, but I've recently had a conversation that changed my view. I don't bring up politics with my sister because we don't have the same views, and I know it would upset both of us. If one of my friends is gushing over a movie that I hate, I don't try and ruin it for them because there's no point in seeking out conflict. If you care about someone, you don't say or do things that will hurt them or make them feel like there's something wrong with them.

Even with this, I understand that it's a two way street. No one is perfect and everyone has different ways of showing love. Finding the middle is my goal, and I'll do whatever it takes to reach a point where neither person feels like they have to be someone else. I'm just tired of trying to hide my feelings and hurting myself even more. So yes, I'm a cry baby and a drama queen. I make mountains out of mole hills and all that good stuff, but it's okay. This sensitivity gives me strength. It makes me laugh harder and feel more. It gives me compassion. I never want that to go away. Even this ending is dramatic, and I love it.

Thanks for reading. Xx